Wednesday, March 30, 2011

In & Out (1997)

Kevin Kline is a teacher whose famous gay former student says on television that he (Kevin Kline) is gay, at which point Kevin Kline I think figures out that he's gay?—and kisses Burt Reynolds, who has no mustache.

Burt Reynolds, Tom Selleck...same difference!

Monday, March 28, 2011

The Truman Show (1998)

Jim Carrey doesn't realize his whole life has been a reality television show produced by Ed Harris. His wife, January Jones, is in on it. (It can't possibly be January Jones, but that's who comes to mind. Maybe Sharon Stone?*) When the truth comes out, Jim Carrey rows a rowboat out to the edge of his world and talks to Ed Harris, who I think ends up feeling bad and lets him out.

SPOILER ALERT: This is actually what the edge of the world looks like.

* No, now I'm thinking of Total Recall. Very different movie.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Magnolia (1999)

Lots of intersecting storylines here, Altman-style, of which I remember next to none. Tom Cruise is a crooked self-help guru (might be confusing this with something in Donnie Darko), Aimee Mann sings a Harry Nilsson song, and there's a rain of frogs. I think one of the frogs knocks William H. Macy off a wall or something and breaks his glasses and/or face.

rana ex machina(?)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Movies I've Seen Only Parts Of: 9½ Weeks (1986)

Pretty sure I just fast-forwarded through this to watch the sex scenes...but I can't remember even those, so I guess it's a wash.

Oh, an art film, eh?

Monday, March 21, 2011

Drugstore Cowboy (1989)

Matt Dillon and...Patricia Arquette?—go on a drugstore-robbing spree so they can feed their prescription-drug habit. I think they stay in motels, and at some point somebody's in the ceiling. Are they hiding in the ceiling? No, I think they put a dead body in the ceiling. Whose? There's another guy, a third junkie. Is that who they put in the ceiling? At one point in this movie they talk to William S. Borroughs, maybe.

Oh, right, Heather Graham! I bet they put her in the ceiling.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Three Men and a Little Lady (1990)

Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, and Steve Guttenberg haven't killed that baby yet, and now she's, I don't know, four years old? Six years old? But they've corrupted her mind, so now she says, "What a crock." Her real father shows up, and he's some British guy who takes her to a big mansion, but somehow he's terrible (maybe a jerk, maybe an impostor), so the three men take their little lady back to America.

One time a bartender called me "Tom Selleck" to make fun of me
for the mustache I had at the time. Then we made out.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A Stranger Among Us (1992)

Melanie Griffith goes undercover with a bunch of Hasidic Jews to crack some kind of case and falls in love with one of them, who explains that killing someone is ending an entire universe and then later kills somebody to save her. I might have this movie confused with the one where Melanie Griffith goes undercover with a bunch of Nazis and Michael Douglas has to come save her.*

Did not remember that Sloane is in this!

* Shining Through, turns out. Also 1992! Are these two movies available on two sides of the same special DVD on a rack at Rite Aid?

Monday, March 14, 2011

Cool World (1992)

I think the idea of this movie was that it was supposed to be a more adult version of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? with an emphasis on the Jessica Rabbit angle, so Kim Basinger played this hot cartoon woman and, I don't know, Bill Pullman or somebody was a detective who got sucked into her cartoon world. I remember seriously nothing about this movie except being disappointed by it. Maybe they jump back and forth between worlds a lot and it gets confusing? I don't fucking know.

Holy cow, Gabriel Byrne?

Friday, March 11, 2011

Brighton Beach Memoirs (1986)

Somebody who isn't Matthew Broderick (but later turns into Matthew Broderick in Biloxi Blues) talks to the camera and either has or covets a picture of a naked girl and lives— Wow, I actually was about to say "lives on Coney Island or something," but odds are it's Brighton Beach, right? It's the '40s or the late '30s, and he's into sex but he's a virgin, and eventually he sees a girl with her top off (or maybe with her bottom off?) and says, "Onwards and upwards!" and that's the end of the movie.

Goes on to desecrate a corpse in a tony East Coast beach community.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

House of Mirth (2000)

Gillian Anderson falls on hard times and is forced to live in a New York City apartment far bigger than any apartment I've ever seen in New York City. Now that I think of it, I think the apartment looks out on a park, too. She is disgraced! Maybe she has to work in a hat factory. I did not like this movie.

Not sure whether she made this hat herself.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Sliver (1993)

In this (as I remember it) pretty unabashedly baldfaced Basic Instinct cash-in, Sharon Stone lives in (or runs) a building that some Baldwin runs (or lives in), and there are cameras everywhere that are used for sexual voyeurism—either that or the trailers falsely advertised such: "I like to watch." Sharon Stone masturbates in the bathtub, and presumably someone is murdered.

This is what all the Google Image results look like,
and yet I seem to remember not nearly enough sex.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Movies I've Seen Only Parts Of: The Black Hole (1979)

A robot on wheels goes down a curving hallway on a spaceship. It's possible that I actually haven't seen this movie at all (especially since I think I might just be describing R2D2 in the first moments of Star Wars).

Yeah, I think maybe I just wanted to see this.
(Still do, turns out. This guy is awesome!)

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Top Gun (1986)

Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer both fly fighter planes and hate each other. Tom Cruise has sex with some woman in a bed while music plays, and later he flies his plane upside down. I think there's a bar fight, and I assume Tom Cruise gets "grounded" but then ends up saving the day in some kind of combat situation and thereby redeeming himself, although to be honest I really might just be remembering the plot of the 1991 parody film Hot Shots! Oh, and Tom Cruise has a cool nickname like "Topper." (No, wait, that is from Hot Shots! What's his nickname, then? "Tucker"? "Tiger"? "Tugboat"? Something with a T.*)

This movie's a bit of a sausage fest, as I recall.

* "Maverick." I was close.