Scream 3 (2000)

There's some suggestion in this one that shit may have just gone supernatural, the same way we jump from Jason's disgruntled mother to an undead Jason himself in the Friday the 13th movies: I remember Sidney (wait...that's her name, isn't it?) in like a fake haunted house where suddenly it appears that maybe the actual ghost of her mom is coming for her, under a sheet? But then it turns out no: no ghost. I think Sidney shoots somebody in the head on a stage at the end, but that might be in Scream 2.*

Pretty sure this is from the opening scene of Scream 2, but it
came up when I searched for Scream 3 images, so fuck off.

* BLOG-INAPPROPRIATE NOTE: I just recently rented Scream 4, and [SPOILER ALERT] isn't the whole movie basically just a not very good set-up for the actually relatively worthwhile final 20 minutes? What a character or two refer to as the "alternate ending" is way more interesting than everything leading up to it. I might be wrong about all this: I was half-asleep when I watched it (and also high on uranium).

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1987)

Steve Martin and John Candy get stuck going cross-country together (presumably via plane, train, and automobile). At one point they share a bed in a hotel and John Candy says he has his hands between two pillows and Steve Martin says, "THOSE AREN'T PILLOWS!" (Or, wait, probably it's Steve Martin who has his hands in John Candy's ass, right?) Also they stand holding suitcases, hitchhiking. I think both of the things I remember about this movie were in the trailer.

Totally forgot they're transporting a 12-year-old Swedish vampire.

L.A. Story (1991)

I've seen this movie twice, and the second time I'm pretty sure I liked it. AND YET...all I can remember is (1) people shooting at each other in a traffic jam, (2) Steve Martin talking to a sign that quotes Hamlet, (3) the "half-caf decaf triple-latte" order, however it went, (4) marital discord with the woman from the ABC sitcom Taxi, and (5) Sarah Jessica Parker as Rollergirl.

In the early '90s, only signs spoke this kind of pidgin English.

that Archie TV movie (1990)

Did anybody see this one? It was to the Archie comics as Hook was to Peter Pan. (That was an SAT analogy for you—free of charge!) Archie and company come back to Riverdale for their 10-year high-school reunion (or 15-year, or 20-year, I don't know), and I think Archie may be married, with a kid who put Jell-O in his sheets. Or is it a stepson?—because I assume that Archie winds up with either Betty or Veronica, and I assume this isn't a story about marital infidelity. Or, who knows, maybe it is! I basically remember nothing other than the Jell-O. I think this thing was called To Riverdale and Back Again or something.

Couldn't find a decent movie still,  so this'll have to do. (via)

Lawnmower Man (1992)

I'm thinking a convicted murderer is executed in the electric chair—something like that—and winds up getting his evil soul uploaded into one of those early-'90s sci-fi misconceptions of what the Internet might be like? I think telephones and weird 3D Tron-like visualizations are involved. This is yet another movie based on something Stephen King wrote, and I think I remember that it sort of couldn't decide whether it was a Nightmare on Elm Streetish horror story or a Johnny Mnemonicky thriller. (Yes, Johnny Mnemonic postdates Lawnmower Man; I'm using "Johnny Mnemonicky" as an adjective with its own independent existence, like "Kafkaesque" or "Yahoo Serious."*)

What the Jesus? I think I sort of vaguely remember this. Does
Lawnmower Man† say he is God, or is it like Mola Ram (whom
he kind of looks like!) saying he was going to conquer God?

* E.g., "Shit's about to get Yahoo Serious up in here."
† If I'm not mistaken, "Lawnmower Man"—like "Jaws," "Die Hard," and "Wall Street"—is not in fact the name of the character.

The Cradle Will Rock (1992)*

Rebecca De Mornay is a nanny who it turns out is crazy and tries to kill Macauley Culkin. Or maybe it's just that Macaulay Culkin was in a similar movie around the same time.† I also sometimes get Rebecca De Mornay and Traci Lords confused. (Is this the movie with the literal cliffhanger at the end, or is it the one where an underage girl with a fake ID has unsimulated sex on camera for the masturbatory enjoyment of a country of perverts?)

Still from Black Throat (1985).

* IMPORTANT NOTE: I was thinking of The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.
† The Good Son (1993).

Se7en (1995)

Kevin Spacey (it turns out) is going around murdering people based on the seven deadly sins, like he makes this fat guy eat himself to death and does a horrible thing to a prostitute that I don't want to talk about. What else does he do? He puts Brad Pitt's wife's head in a box and gives it to him. (Brad Pitt—is that right?) You know when they refer to certain films as "torture porn"? I thought this movie was a kind of pornography, and I didn't like it. SORRY, SEEMINGLY EVERYBODY ELSE.

This is what comes up if you Google Image Search
"se7en" (which is stupid, by the way—the word, not
the result: a 7 does not look like a V, you jerks).