Thursday, July 14, 2011

Transformers (2007)

For some reason Bumblebee is not a Volkswagen beetle.* Shia LaBeouf buys Bullshit-Bumblebee, Megan Fox leans over the hood of a car in short shorts, and then Transformers start fighting. They fight on a highway, they fight in a city, they fight in a way that is impossible to tell which one is which—just a bunch of indistinguishable metal-colored CGI. John Turturro's a crazy general, Optimus Prime has a sword, and soldiers comport themselves with grace and nobility (because Michael Bay masturbates to Army recruiting commercials). This movie is one of the most disappointing-ever products of man.

I remember this part pretty well.

* This is very difficult for me to move beyond. It would be like making an X-Men movie in which Wolverine has baseball bats coming out of his hands [see also].


  1. You used "comport". Clap clap clap.

  2. ♫ The Transformers! [Chi-chew-chew-chew-choo-choo-choo!] Robots that comport themselves as vehicles! / The Transformers! [Chi-chew-chew-chew-choo-choo-choo!] And sometimes guns and boomboxes! ♪

  3. You had me at bumblebee (and wolverine). Bravo.