Home Alone (1990)

Macaulay Culkin gets left behind by his parents because they don't care about him, he's afraid of a pigeon man (the pigeon man might actually be from Home Alone 2: Jason Takes Manhattan), Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern try to rob his house, and he stops them with hilarious booby traps,* any one of which might easily have straight-up killed these two people. I guess I remember the entire story line (although, then again, I think all of what I just said might have been in the trailer). Christopher Columbus wrote Gremlins.

Why don't all movies star adorable hilarious children??
(Oh, right—because we're trying to keep the suicide rate down.)

* That's what I said! Booby traps!