The Exorcist (1973)

I know a little girl gets possessed, and of course I know she (1) spins her head around and (2) throws up. She also pees in front of a piano and—I'm afraid to say this in case it's wrong and reveals something about my psychology, but—doesn't she use a crucifix as a dildo?* The exorcist says, "The power of Christ compels you!" but I only know that because people reference it. I'm not sure how they get a whole movie out of this.

She sleeps above her covers. Four feet above her covers.
[q.v. April Fool's Day post]

* In sort of a violation of my usual Movies I Don't Remember code of ethics, I actually checked this before posting—and for that I apologize to all of you.

Platoon (1986)

I think I remember Charlie Sheen in the mud. (Is that the image on the one-sheet, even? Am I just remembering the goddamned poster?!) Pretty sure somebody betrays somebody else. Oh, and of course it's Vietnam. Or Korea. I'm going to go with Vietnam.

Willem, no!!!

Amistad (1997)

Slaves are horribly mistreated on a slave ship—I think maybe brought up on deck naked during a thunderstorm and thrown overboard?—and (a) what's being depicted is an atrocity and (b) I'm a dude and not gay, BUT, sorry, it was impossible not to marvel at the penises flopping around. Later, Anthony Hopkins looks at a flower in a glass bowl and then delivers an inspiring speech before an old-timey Supreme Court.

So: what I remember about Amistad—penises, flower, Supreme Court.

Hahahaha, McConaughey!

new slogan

Movies I Don't Remember: Now Only Twice a Week!™
[becausehereswhy]

Jack (1996)

Jack is a little boy who isn't so little because he ages too fast: he's only like 10 years old or something and he's already played by Robin Williams. Peter Pan's son who also was Dick Tracy's sidekick might be Jack's friend.* It's sad for everyone because who can understand an old-looking kid? Plus he's probably going to die before too long. Maybe he even dies in the movie (but probably not). Is there a treehouse or something? I would watch this movie again if somebody paid me $50 to do it—cheap!

Maybe $100.

* Charlie Korsmo. Nope.

TV I Don't Remember: The Maxx (1995)

One late night when I was in high school, MTV was showing a marathon of this, and either I missed part of it or the marathon was incomplete, and I was left with narrative blue balls. As far as I could tell—or rather as far as I can remember having been able to tell—there were at least two different realities, or levels of reality, both involving this spandexed alien or something, with like long pointy hands or elbows, who was sometimes a drunk in an alley or dumpster and sometimes was basically a superhero, and he helped some little girl or teenaged girl or some kind of girl, but basically everything was cosmically screwed up and nothing was certain. Essentially it feels like a crazy awesome dream I had and then couldn't get out of my head. This is something I actually think I have to watch and find out whether it's any good.

Illuminates nothing.

Major League (1989)

Charlie Sheen plays baseball and is a bit of a wild man! At one point he shaves some idiotic pattern into his hair—maybe he had that, changed it, and gets it back again later as a way of demonstrating that he's back in the saddle? (I might be remembering Major League 2.) I'm 95% sure that this is a comedy.

Glasses? No memory of this at all. Maybe I only saw Major League 2.
To be honest, I don't really care for sports.